Last month, I celebrated my first Father’s Day. I received the warm congratulations of many
Sangha members, and my wife and daughter treated me to dinner at a nice restaurant. The day
left nothing to be desired.
However, sometimes I admit I don’t feel that I am really a father at all. For me, fatherhood is
more a feeling of wonder. When I see my wife struggling with child care everyday, her labor of
love as she nurtures our daughter is fully apparent to me. She seems to emanate the very
essence of motherhood.
Compared to my wife, I cannot help but think that I have not been able to do anything for my
daughter, let alone become the embodiment of fatherhood. I tell myself I shouldn’t just bear the
title “father” but should make a fresh commitment to my responsibilities and become a parent
who deserves to be Kurumi’s father.
Speaking of parents, in Shin Buddhism we often call Amida Buddha Oyasama which means
“True Parent.” Although I also often use this term, this month, I would like to think about why we
call Amida Buddha “Parent” and what “True Parent” means.
As you all know, kids tend to neglect expressing gratitude for their parents’ love and
affection and in fact want to become independent of them. However, parents never take their
eyes off their kids and always embrace them with a loving look. Even when kids move away,
parents always think and worry about them.
In my experience, this is a true observation. I really enjoyed living on my own after entering
the university and didn’t feel appreciation for the many favors which I received from my parents.
I didn’t regret at all leaving the life I had spent with them. But only when I was so sick one day
that I wasn’t able to do anything for myself, I realized how precious and valuable was my
parents’ love was which I had taken for granted. Though I obstinately refused at first, they were
so worried about me that they came all the way to school to take care of me. So I only realized
my parent’s love once I moved away from home. It really made me reflect deeply after realizing
that I hadn’t even been aware of their affection.
Parents raise their children with loving care without being asked. They don’t start because a
newborn baby says, “Hello, nice to meet you, Dad and Mom! Please raise me to become a
good adult.” Parents don’t commit to their kids because somebody asks, “Please raise them.” It
is the parents who instinctively love and protect their child even before they are asked or are
begged.
Unfortunately I cannot say this is always so. These days there have been very sad news
reports of parents who injured their kids and, even worse, killed their own children. Although
most of us probably think these extraordinary cases have nothing to do with us, we really don’t
know what we as ordinary parents would do in their situation or how we would behave if faced
with the same kinds of causes and conditions. In that respect, we should be careful about
making judgments.
Parents have countless wishes for their kids. For example, they wish for their kids to become
a certain kind of adult or get a certain kind of job in the future. Their wishes for them are
limitless. However, we almost never wish that we as parents will become a certain kind of
parent. For example, we don’t consider what kind of parents we should be in order to raise our
kids properly. Or we don’t consider how we should build a wonderful environment in order to
support the education for our kids. A true parent is one who first wishes him or herself to be the
kind of parent who deserves to be a child’s parent, long before indulging in wishes for one’s
child.
Such a wonderful parent, though, is Amida Buddha. As Amida Buddha is called True Parent,
he always thinks and is worried about each one of us as if he were watching over his own child.
He opened the great path to Buddhahood for us and is regarding each of us with a loving look
in order to make us a Buddha even before we think to ask for it.
Amida Buddha is a Buddha of compassion who calls to all living things, “I will save you just
as you are.” Thus he represents ultimate compassion. However, please don’t misunderstand
that when Amida Buddha says he will save us just as we are that it means we can do anything
we like. That is really a terrible and serious misinterpretation.
For example, suppose that you are invited to your friend’s house for dinner. After enjoying
dinner and your friend begins to clear the table, many of you will try to help out, won’t you?
Even if you don’t really want to, you will at least offer to, right? But when your friend sees you
reaching for the dirty dishes, what will he say to you? Probably, “It’s okay, just leave them there
as they are,” right? Then you will be convinced by his assurances and go home relieved,
saying, “Thank you for such a nice dinner.”
But the next day, should you visit your friend again, are the dishes and teacups which you
used last night still on the table? Of course not. Your friend has cleared, washed and put away
the dishes which you used, all with no help from you. So by saying, “Leave them there as they
are” to you, he means, Don’t worry, I will accept all of your troubles.
In other words, to say, “Leave things as they are,” means trouble and extra work for those
who say it. Amida Buddha is exactly the same as this. There were so many hardships Amida
Buddha to endure in order for him to establish his vow and be able to say to each one of us, “It
is all right just as you are.”
But we really don’t know what Buddha had to go through in order to save us. Amida Buddha
was burdened with ascetic trials in becoming a Buddha which, were we to practice and
accomplish Buddhahood on our own, could take us “five kalpas,” which is an astounding period
of time. If we could fathom his effort to be able to save each of us without exception, we might
truly understand that to say, “I can do anything I like,” is remarkably selfish.
The voice calling, “Supper is ready,” is the same as the Nembutsu. A person who’s
preparing supper doesn’t call everyone to the dining room the moment he starts cooking. Only
when the cooking is finished and the meal is prepared, everyone is welcomed to the dining
room with the announcement, “Supper is ready!” It is much the same with the Nembutsu, “Namo
Amida Butsu.” Within the Nembutsu is the calling voice of Amida Buddha saying to us, “Leave
everything to me. I will surely save you.” Because he accomplished his great vow to save all
living things with the Nembutsu, all of us who are called will be born in the Pure Land and
become a Buddha. We will be saved by hearing “Namo Amida Butsu,” the calling voice of Amida
Buddha who accomplished his vow.
So it is that true parents always embrace their child with an unconditional love, even if they
must sacrifice their own life. I believe that this is why Amida Buddha is called True Parent.
Therefore, each of us should express our deep gratitude to what Amida Buddha had to go
through to save each one of us.
Now, once again, I would like to make a fresh resolve to become a good parent who
deserves to be my loving daughter’s father, respecting the great compassion of Amida Buddha.
In Gassho,
Sangha members, and my wife and daughter treated me to dinner at a nice restaurant. The day
left nothing to be desired.
However, sometimes I admit I don’t feel that I am really a father at all. For me, fatherhood is
more a feeling of wonder. When I see my wife struggling with child care everyday, her labor of
love as she nurtures our daughter is fully apparent to me. She seems to emanate the very
essence of motherhood.
Compared to my wife, I cannot help but think that I have not been able to do anything for my
daughter, let alone become the embodiment of fatherhood. I tell myself I shouldn’t just bear the
title “father” but should make a fresh commitment to my responsibilities and become a parent
who deserves to be Kurumi’s father.
Speaking of parents, in Shin Buddhism we often call Amida Buddha Oyasama which means
“True Parent.” Although I also often use this term, this month, I would like to think about why we
call Amida Buddha “Parent” and what “True Parent” means.
As you all know, kids tend to neglect expressing gratitude for their parents’ love and
affection and in fact want to become independent of them. However, parents never take their
eyes off their kids and always embrace them with a loving look. Even when kids move away,
parents always think and worry about them.
In my experience, this is a true observation. I really enjoyed living on my own after entering
the university and didn’t feel appreciation for the many favors which I received from my parents.
I didn’t regret at all leaving the life I had spent with them. But only when I was so sick one day
that I wasn’t able to do anything for myself, I realized how precious and valuable was my
parents’ love was which I had taken for granted. Though I obstinately refused at first, they were
so worried about me that they came all the way to school to take care of me. So I only realized
my parent’s love once I moved away from home. It really made me reflect deeply after realizing
that I hadn’t even been aware of their affection.
Parents raise their children with loving care without being asked. They don’t start because a
newborn baby says, “Hello, nice to meet you, Dad and Mom! Please raise me to become a
good adult.” Parents don’t commit to their kids because somebody asks, “Please raise them.” It
is the parents who instinctively love and protect their child even before they are asked or are
begged.
Unfortunately I cannot say this is always so. These days there have been very sad news
reports of parents who injured their kids and, even worse, killed their own children. Although
most of us probably think these extraordinary cases have nothing to do with us, we really don’t
know what we as ordinary parents would do in their situation or how we would behave if faced
with the same kinds of causes and conditions. In that respect, we should be careful about
making judgments.
Parents have countless wishes for their kids. For example, they wish for their kids to become
a certain kind of adult or get a certain kind of job in the future. Their wishes for them are
limitless. However, we almost never wish that we as parents will become a certain kind of
parent. For example, we don’t consider what kind of parents we should be in order to raise our
kids properly. Or we don’t consider how we should build a wonderful environment in order to
support the education for our kids. A true parent is one who first wishes him or herself to be the
kind of parent who deserves to be a child’s parent, long before indulging in wishes for one’s
child.
Such a wonderful parent, though, is Amida Buddha. As Amida Buddha is called True Parent,
he always thinks and is worried about each one of us as if he were watching over his own child.
He opened the great path to Buddhahood for us and is regarding each of us with a loving look
in order to make us a Buddha even before we think to ask for it.
Amida Buddha is a Buddha of compassion who calls to all living things, “I will save you just
as you are.” Thus he represents ultimate compassion. However, please don’t misunderstand
that when Amida Buddha says he will save us just as we are that it means we can do anything
we like. That is really a terrible and serious misinterpretation.
For example, suppose that you are invited to your friend’s house for dinner. After enjoying
dinner and your friend begins to clear the table, many of you will try to help out, won’t you?
Even if you don’t really want to, you will at least offer to, right? But when your friend sees you
reaching for the dirty dishes, what will he say to you? Probably, “It’s okay, just leave them there
as they are,” right? Then you will be convinced by his assurances and go home relieved,
saying, “Thank you for such a nice dinner.”
But the next day, should you visit your friend again, are the dishes and teacups which you
used last night still on the table? Of course not. Your friend has cleared, washed and put away
the dishes which you used, all with no help from you. So by saying, “Leave them there as they
are” to you, he means, Don’t worry, I will accept all of your troubles.
In other words, to say, “Leave things as they are,” means trouble and extra work for those
who say it. Amida Buddha is exactly the same as this. There were so many hardships Amida
Buddha to endure in order for him to establish his vow and be able to say to each one of us, “It
is all right just as you are.”
But we really don’t know what Buddha had to go through in order to save us. Amida Buddha
was burdened with ascetic trials in becoming a Buddha which, were we to practice and
accomplish Buddhahood on our own, could take us “five kalpas,” which is an astounding period
of time. If we could fathom his effort to be able to save each of us without exception, we might
truly understand that to say, “I can do anything I like,” is remarkably selfish.
The voice calling, “Supper is ready,” is the same as the Nembutsu. A person who’s
preparing supper doesn’t call everyone to the dining room the moment he starts cooking. Only
when the cooking is finished and the meal is prepared, everyone is welcomed to the dining
room with the announcement, “Supper is ready!” It is much the same with the Nembutsu, “Namo
Amida Butsu.” Within the Nembutsu is the calling voice of Amida Buddha saying to us, “Leave
everything to me. I will surely save you.” Because he accomplished his great vow to save all
living things with the Nembutsu, all of us who are called will be born in the Pure Land and
become a Buddha. We will be saved by hearing “Namo Amida Butsu,” the calling voice of Amida
Buddha who accomplished his vow.
So it is that true parents always embrace their child with an unconditional love, even if they
must sacrifice their own life. I believe that this is why Amida Buddha is called True Parent.
Therefore, each of us should express our deep gratitude to what Amida Buddha had to go
through to save each one of us.
Now, once again, I would like to make a fresh resolve to become a good parent who
deserves to be my loving daughter’s father, respecting the great compassion of Amida Buddha.
In Gassho,
By Rev. Yushi Mukojima
2009 JULY
TRUE PARENT
| Dharma Message |
