- My daughter turned eight months in May. Recently she has grown remarkably and we have
seen many new behaviors. After learning to crawl, she now tries to touch the TV, the fireplace, the
outlets, and everything which immediately attracts her attention. She also wants to lick and put
things into her mouth—electrical cords and slippers, dangerous and dirty things, whatever she can
lay her hands—so we cannot take our eyes away from her even for a second. Although we have
tried to give her toys in order to distract her, we don’t know why she pays little attention to things
she is allowed to touch and seems attracted only to things we don’t want her to touch.
Although she only just learned to crawl, we are extremely worried about what she will get into
when she learns to walk. When I think about my wife, who has taken such good care of our
daughter around the clock without rest, I fully realize the greatness of mothers. My wife celebrated
her first Mother’s Day last month so I would like take this opportunity to express my deep gratitude
for her unconditional love and affection for Kurumi.
I had a phone conversation with my parents the other day. When I told them what is going on
with Kurumi and that she now weighs over 23 pounds, they were very surprised. Our parents are
looking forward to the time when Kurumi visits them this summer, but for my father, who celebrated
his 70th birthday last year, it will be kind of difficult to hold such a heavy baby. Babies grow day by
day, while grandparents decline day by day. My father, who really likes to hold and play with his
grandchildren, muttered to himself over the phone, “I don’t want to go downhill anymore.”
Even I often get a backache and shoulder pain after holding Kurumi for a while. I think that if
this were a couple of years ago, I would not have any problems. But when I realize that aging has
made steady progress even on me, I feel really sad. Although there are some people who say,
“Sensei, you are still young!” when I realize that, from this point, I just keep getting older, I only feel
fear. “The suffering of old age,” which Shakyamuni Buddha preached about, is a really serious
problem.
So now I would like to share my feelings about aging with you.
First, growing old starts as soon as we are born. People categorized as newborn, toddler,
teenager, and young adult are not called old, but if you think deeply about it, old age is an
unceasing progression even through these stages. If we are fortunate, we reach adulthood, then
middle and early old age. Then we attain old age and will surely die.
From old times in Japan, it has been said that when we grow old, we lose three things. Have
you ever heard this saying before?
First, we lose health. As I mentioned, when we are young, our bodies are strong and full of
energy. But as we age, our bodies begin to ache and functions begin to slow.
Second, we lose our livelihood. Even if one believes that he can still keep up with young
people and has a strong will to work hard, when a person reaches retirement age, he must leave his
job, his company, school, or workplace. Even an executive at his firm who handles his work
competently must eventually give up his high position to the next generation.
Third, we lose our companions. Inevitably, we lose the partner with whom we shared life
together for a long time. Even the couple who quarreled constantly throughout their relationship will
eventually be separated by death. Even our dear old friends will depart from us.
We call this the Three Great Losses of Old Age.
However, when I was at the university, my teacher told us an interesting story which
challenges this old saying. He said that a person who listens to the Nembutsu teaching will be able
to gain, rather than lose, three important things.
What is it that can only be gained by growing old?
First, as one grows older, one becomes more agreeable. Even a person who lived abrasively
or stubbornly in his youth, wanting to be second to none, will mellow out and develop a benevolent
mind and a gentle look, like Buddha’s, as he gets older. Even a parent who was very rigid in
disciplining his children will grow more relaxed over the years. Certainly, my father was very strict
with me when I was child and I remember clearly that I was often scolded for bad behavior.
However, as I see my father now, his gaze at his grandchildren when dandling them is very calm
and it is as if I were looking at Buddha.
Second, with the Nembutsu teaching, one can have a rich experience in tasting both the
sweetness and bitterness of life. By understanding impermanence, which is hard to grasp in one’s
youth, we will be able to live life treasuring each day. We can go through life doing our best to carry
out tasks which can be finished today and never put them off until tomorrow. And one who fully
realizes that the nature of life has always been to support one another, will never hurt others’
feelings, but live treasuring the harmony of others.
At this stage, one accepts a mission to hand down this spirit to the next generations. What is
important is not to tell younger people what to do but to show them by one’s quiet daily practice. I
believe that sutra chanting before the Obutsudan every morning and evening at home, and joining
the Sunday Service at the temple, are habits that will be handed down like this.
Third is that we can enjoy a deep and meaningful life by living each day based on the first two
benefits. This way of life values each day with the deepest feeling of gratitude for the blessings
which allow us to be alive.
Rather than focus on Three Great Losses of Old Age, my teacher told us to consider the
Three Great Benefits made possible through the Nembutsu teaching. These are very important gifts
which we only receive with old age.
Certainly, as we attain old age, we assume we will lose many advantages. To the contrary, we
also gain a precious way of life of immeasurable depth. I hope that each of us will treasure and
rejoice in the precious three benefits assured by the Nembutsu teaching which make old lives shine
more and more brilliantly.
In Gassho,
June, 2009
THREE BENEFITS OF OLD AGE
by Rev. Yushi Mukojima
THREE BENEFITS OF OLD AGE
by Rev. Yushi Mukojima
| Dharma Message |
