2011 FEBRUARY
Dharma Message
By Rev. Yushi Mukojima, Resident Minister
LIKE BUDDHA’S ONLY CHILD
It has already been over two years since my daughter was born. We are amazed to see
how quickly children grow. But right now Kurumi is at the height of the “NO! NO!” stage,
otherwise known as the terrible twos. My daughter, who suddenly became aware of
herself, is not satisfied unless she does everything by herself. And also if things don’t turn
out as she wishes or if something doesn’t please her, she starts wailing, “NO! NO!” We
really understand that this is an important period in the development of one’s
personality, but since such this terrible behavior goes from morning till night, my wife and
I have been very exhausted.
One big problem is when we go grocery shopping. Kurumi always takes things off the
shelf that attract her. Especially when she picks up sweets, we have difficulty persuading
her to put them back. When we tell her, “We don’t need it,” she always runs away with it
clutched in her little hands. I catch her quickly and take the item away from her, but she
falls full length to the floor, yelling, “NO!”
When this happens, we hurriedly try to finish our shopping. It’s as if we are running away
so that we won’t cause the store and its customers trouble. But because we prefer to
take our time and enjoy shopping, now we are diligent to keep Kurumi away from the
area they sell ice cream or confectioneries.
Furthermore, recently, when I try to change her diaper or brush her teeth, she has refused
my help saying, “Daddy, NO! Mommy will do it!” I am sure it might be her first period of
rebelliousness against her father, but when my loving daughter rejects me flatly like that,
it makes me feel really sad.
When I talk about this problem with my parents over the phone, they always laugh off my
worry saying, “It is no surprise because she is two. Kurumi is so cute. You were much worse
than her when you were two! It was much more difficult for us than it is for you.” Even if
they mean to encourage me by saying things like that, when I hear my childhood as an
example from my parents, I cannot say anything anymore.
However, through the experience of child rearing, we completely understand why all
two-year-olds go through this stage. Because children are in their terrible twos
simultaneously all over the world, we have learned how important it is for parents to
have patience and tolerance. We sincerely hope to overcome all difficulties through
our unconditional love of our daughter, while wishing she, who really seems to enjoy the
terrible twos, will calm down soon.
Of course, parents’ love for their child is universal any place in the world. But I wonder if
it is always so for the parents who have many children.
Recently, I have received this type of advice from many members: “Sensei, you might
be busy, but it is time for you to think about your next child. Kurumi-chan needs her
siblings.” Though we have been struggling with caring for just our daughter every day, we
do wish to be blessed with a second child.
The other day while reading a book on childrearing, my wife threw out her simple
question about parent’s love. “With one child, the parents’ love is always directed only
at that child. But if the parents have two or three children, will their love for each child
be one half or one third?” It was a really interesting question.
Certainly, speaking of the physical care required, each child can only receive one half or
one third of a parent’s attention. If there is a new baby and the parent is focused
necessarily on the newborn, the older sibling always has a strong feeling of jealousy for
the baby. However, a parent’s love is always given to each one of their children equally
no matter how many kids they may have. It is really mysterious, isn’t it?
I was reading a newspaper article a couple months ago about what kind of mindset we
should have in attending to a handicapped child. It said that without realizing it, we
usually extend a helping hand to a handicapped child with the mindset, “The light of the
world for this child.” But instead we should embrace the child with the determination,
“Make this child become the light of the world.”
I believe that the point of this article was that one must not help the handicapped child
out of sympathy, feeling sorry for the child. Instead it is most important to see such a
child as precious and valuable just as he is and that there is no substitute for him. I really
agree with this kind of thinking.
As you know, the loving gaze that Amida Buddha directs at all sentient beings is often
compared to the love of a parent which embraces a child warmly.
There is a saying in the hymns of the Pure Land written by our founder Shinran Shonin:
When a person realizes the mind of non-discrimination, / That attainment is the state of
regarding each being as one’s only child;* / That is none other than Buddha-nature; / We
will awaken to it on reaching the land of peace. (*State of regarding each being as one’
s only child; attainment of the thought that each of the beings of the three realms is one’
s only child.)
Shinran Shonin says that Amida Buddha embraces each one of us as if we are an only
child, a precious one—“the precious one” meaning irreplaceable. Each of us knows that
though the role of President of the United States is very important, there are many
people who could fill that position. However, there is nobody who can substitute for
each of our lives.
The one who discovered that each of us is irreplaceable and precious is Amida Buddha.
Amida Buddha’s viewpoint is the state of Buddha’s enlightenment which is the state of
regarding each being as one’s only child. I have had some people tell me that they don’
t deserve to live because they are under the care of others. I really understand their
pain and feelings but I think that their thought blasphemes life. Amida Buddha teaches
us that no matter how we live, just to live has precious meaning and value in calling
each one of us Buddha’s only child.
Shinran Shonin left a poem in the Pure Land hymns as follows: The Tathagata of Light that
surpasses the Sun and Moon / Taught me nembutsu-samadhi./ The Tathagatas of the ten
quarters compassionately regard / Each sentient being as their only child.
His poem clearly shows us that the mind of Amida Buddha, which embraces all sentient
beings as an only child, has been provided to each one of us as the Nembutsu.
Shinran Shonin really rejoiced at the words, “one’s only child.” In the “True Teaching,
Practice, and Realization of the Pure Land Way,” Shinran Shonin quotes a passage from
the “Nirvana Sutra”: “The Tathagata, for the sake of every being, always acts as one’s
loving father and mother. Know that all sentient beings are the Tathagata’s children.”
Amida Buddha always embraces with his great compassion all sentient beings as if they
were Buddha’s precious only child. Therefore, it is very important for us to realize that
each one of us is Buddha’s only child. Listening to the Buddha Dharma is the way to make
us see that we are Buddha’s child. And when we truly realize how deep and vast the
compassion of Amida Buddha is, we recite Amida Buddha’s name just as we call
“Mommy” when we feel the love our mother. That is the Nembutsu, “Namo Amida Butsu.”
For Amida Buddha, all sentient beings are as precious as an only child. When we are able
to grasp this truth, we will be able to feel the presence of Amida Buddha behind each
one of us.
It is absolutely not that Amida Buddha feels sorrow or pity for us and thus wishes us, “The
light of the Pure Land for all sentient beings.” Because each sentient being is like Buddha’
s only child, Amida Buddha’s wish is, “Make all sentient beings become the light of the
Pure Land.”
Although we live our lives ruled by self centered passions, when we truly realize that our
lives are also precious because we will become one with Amida Buddha in the future,
we cannot help but wish for a life befitting a Buddha’s child. That means living a life
respecting others and not hurting the feelings of others.
With the realization that it is really a challenge to raise even one child, I am really
grateful for the deep compassion of Amida Buddha which always tries to embrace each
sentient being as Buddha’s only child without discrimination, held with a loving look that
leads us to the way of Buddhahood.
Well, as it is getting close to my daughter’s bedtime, I will leave my desk to help her
brush her teeth. I hope that she will not refuse my help.
In Gassho,
Dharma Message
By Rev. Yushi Mukojima, Resident Minister
LIKE BUDDHA’S ONLY CHILD
It has already been over two years since my daughter was born. We are amazed to see
how quickly children grow. But right now Kurumi is at the height of the “NO! NO!” stage,
otherwise known as the terrible twos. My daughter, who suddenly became aware of
herself, is not satisfied unless she does everything by herself. And also if things don’t turn
out as she wishes or if something doesn’t please her, she starts wailing, “NO! NO!” We
really understand that this is an important period in the development of one’s
personality, but since such this terrible behavior goes from morning till night, my wife and
I have been very exhausted.
One big problem is when we go grocery shopping. Kurumi always takes things off the
shelf that attract her. Especially when she picks up sweets, we have difficulty persuading
her to put them back. When we tell her, “We don’t need it,” she always runs away with it
clutched in her little hands. I catch her quickly and take the item away from her, but she
falls full length to the floor, yelling, “NO!”
When this happens, we hurriedly try to finish our shopping. It’s as if we are running away
so that we won’t cause the store and its customers trouble. But because we prefer to
take our time and enjoy shopping, now we are diligent to keep Kurumi away from the
area they sell ice cream or confectioneries.
Furthermore, recently, when I try to change her diaper or brush her teeth, she has refused
my help saying, “Daddy, NO! Mommy will do it!” I am sure it might be her first period of
rebelliousness against her father, but when my loving daughter rejects me flatly like that,
it makes me feel really sad.
When I talk about this problem with my parents over the phone, they always laugh off my
worry saying, “It is no surprise because she is two. Kurumi is so cute. You were much worse
than her when you were two! It was much more difficult for us than it is for you.” Even if
they mean to encourage me by saying things like that, when I hear my childhood as an
example from my parents, I cannot say anything anymore.
However, through the experience of child rearing, we completely understand why all
two-year-olds go through this stage. Because children are in their terrible twos
simultaneously all over the world, we have learned how important it is for parents to
have patience and tolerance. We sincerely hope to overcome all difficulties through
our unconditional love of our daughter, while wishing she, who really seems to enjoy the
terrible twos, will calm down soon.
Of course, parents’ love for their child is universal any place in the world. But I wonder if
it is always so for the parents who have many children.
Recently, I have received this type of advice from many members: “Sensei, you might
be busy, but it is time for you to think about your next child. Kurumi-chan needs her
siblings.” Though we have been struggling with caring for just our daughter every day, we
do wish to be blessed with a second child.
The other day while reading a book on childrearing, my wife threw out her simple
question about parent’s love. “With one child, the parents’ love is always directed only
at that child. But if the parents have two or three children, will their love for each child
be one half or one third?” It was a really interesting question.
Certainly, speaking of the physical care required, each child can only receive one half or
one third of a parent’s attention. If there is a new baby and the parent is focused
necessarily on the newborn, the older sibling always has a strong feeling of jealousy for
the baby. However, a parent’s love is always given to each one of their children equally
no matter how many kids they may have. It is really mysterious, isn’t it?
I was reading a newspaper article a couple months ago about what kind of mindset we
should have in attending to a handicapped child. It said that without realizing it, we
usually extend a helping hand to a handicapped child with the mindset, “The light of the
world for this child.” But instead we should embrace the child with the determination,
“Make this child become the light of the world.”
I believe that the point of this article was that one must not help the handicapped child
out of sympathy, feeling sorry for the child. Instead it is most important to see such a
child as precious and valuable just as he is and that there is no substitute for him. I really
agree with this kind of thinking.
As you know, the loving gaze that Amida Buddha directs at all sentient beings is often
compared to the love of a parent which embraces a child warmly.
There is a saying in the hymns of the Pure Land written by our founder Shinran Shonin:
When a person realizes the mind of non-discrimination, / That attainment is the state of
regarding each being as one’s only child;* / That is none other than Buddha-nature; / We
will awaken to it on reaching the land of peace. (*State of regarding each being as one’
s only child; attainment of the thought that each of the beings of the three realms is one’
s only child.)
Shinran Shonin says that Amida Buddha embraces each one of us as if we are an only
child, a precious one—“the precious one” meaning irreplaceable. Each of us knows that
though the role of President of the United States is very important, there are many
people who could fill that position. However, there is nobody who can substitute for
each of our lives.
The one who discovered that each of us is irreplaceable and precious is Amida Buddha.
Amida Buddha’s viewpoint is the state of Buddha’s enlightenment which is the state of
regarding each being as one’s only child. I have had some people tell me that they don’
t deserve to live because they are under the care of others. I really understand their
pain and feelings but I think that their thought blasphemes life. Amida Buddha teaches
us that no matter how we live, just to live has precious meaning and value in calling
each one of us Buddha’s only child.
Shinran Shonin left a poem in the Pure Land hymns as follows: The Tathagata of Light that
surpasses the Sun and Moon / Taught me nembutsu-samadhi./ The Tathagatas of the ten
quarters compassionately regard / Each sentient being as their only child.
His poem clearly shows us that the mind of Amida Buddha, which embraces all sentient
beings as an only child, has been provided to each one of us as the Nembutsu.
Shinran Shonin really rejoiced at the words, “one’s only child.” In the “True Teaching,
Practice, and Realization of the Pure Land Way,” Shinran Shonin quotes a passage from
the “Nirvana Sutra”: “The Tathagata, for the sake of every being, always acts as one’s
loving father and mother. Know that all sentient beings are the Tathagata’s children.”
Amida Buddha always embraces with his great compassion all sentient beings as if they
were Buddha’s precious only child. Therefore, it is very important for us to realize that
each one of us is Buddha’s only child. Listening to the Buddha Dharma is the way to make
us see that we are Buddha’s child. And when we truly realize how deep and vast the
compassion of Amida Buddha is, we recite Amida Buddha’s name just as we call
“Mommy” when we feel the love our mother. That is the Nembutsu, “Namo Amida Butsu.”
For Amida Buddha, all sentient beings are as precious as an only child. When we are able
to grasp this truth, we will be able to feel the presence of Amida Buddha behind each
one of us.
It is absolutely not that Amida Buddha feels sorrow or pity for us and thus wishes us, “The
light of the Pure Land for all sentient beings.” Because each sentient being is like Buddha’
s only child, Amida Buddha’s wish is, “Make all sentient beings become the light of the
Pure Land.”
Although we live our lives ruled by self centered passions, when we truly realize that our
lives are also precious because we will become one with Amida Buddha in the future,
we cannot help but wish for a life befitting a Buddha’s child. That means living a life
respecting others and not hurting the feelings of others.
With the realization that it is really a challenge to raise even one child, I am really
grateful for the deep compassion of Amida Buddha which always tries to embrace each
sentient being as Buddha’s only child without discrimination, held with a loving look that
leads us to the way of Buddhahood.
Well, as it is getting close to my daughter’s bedtime, I will leave my desk to help her
brush her teeth. I hope that she will not refuse my help.
In Gassho,
 |  |  |  |  |